Journey into Parenthood Again

Part 1 
Yes again. The first journey was 8 years ago. And here I am, back to diaper duty. Finding some time to blog while watching Mandalorian.

Now our New Born (NB) is 4 months 2 weeks old. Obviously, many questions come about if you are an attentive reader:

1. 8 years is a decently long gap.

2. Why wait? Why 8 years.?

Many reasons, but in hindsight, having an elder brother who was just turning 8 when Baby K was born has its benefits. He is at an age where he can understand and appreciate having a baby sibling (though he initially was hoping for a baby brother who would be interested in superheroes). He has been and is super caring for his little sister after getting over that. And I think probably the lil sister will follow suit in his interest in superheroes.

8 years has also given us a time gap to re-look at things, be more open and an opportunity to be more informed on ‘babying’. Even hospitals have changed for the better, they are more pro mummy and baby, take more effort to encourage breast-feeding and rooming in. Yes, as short as 8 years ago, these things were rather un-common in many a private hospital, for example the policy to encourage rooming in with mummy was un-heard of (at least for me).

This time around we wanted to ensure that we were be better informed and and better understood birthing. See before this, the books we read were on how to care for the NB, not much on how to prepare for the birthing. Yes, most books cover what to do once the baby is discharged from the hospital, yet lack the much-needed info on preparing ourselves for birthing, what to do in the birthing ward, how to prepare for the delivery and what to do immediately after the delivery.

Antenatal classes do cover some aspects but are generally more to preparing for the post-natal, for example on breast feeding, which don’t get me wrong is equally important. But have you ever wondered how best to prepare yourself for one of the most eventful and memorable (and probably challenging) occasions in your life – yes, your child’s birth itself. To many of us, it has been regimented into us that basically child birth is:

1. Confirming the pregnancy via a home test kit
2. Going to the hospital where the doctor will either provide another test kit or directly do an ultrasound
3. Some additional steps that are useful and important in their own manner
   1. Register with your nearest Klinik Kesihatan to get a very comprehensive pre-natal care
   1. Get the little one in mummy’s tummy and mum insured for any pregnancy complications, congenital diseases or post-delivery complications. Click here for any queries
4. Getting to the hospital in time by recognizing the signs - membrane release [rupture of the amniotic sac (the water breaks)] or having surges
5. Differentiating Braxton hicks and real surges
6. Having your Birthing bag ready
7. Rushing to the hospital.
8. Handing over the process to the hospital, doctor and nurses.
9. If you are the adventurous hubby then you’ll be in the Birthing ward, and likely stay there and not pass out.
10. Likely decide or be encouraged to consider epidural or some sort of pain killer and then as can’t feel the surges (contraction), maybe consider to take oxytocin. Though less likely if you’re giving birth in a Government Hospital.
11. Be encouraged to consider Caesarean maybe.
12. Hopefully InsyaAllah all goes well. Baby is born, cord is clamped immediately (maybe doc takes stem cell if you opt for Stem Cell Storage)
13. Let you briefly look and hold the baby, perform any religious prayer (e.g. Azan)
14. They then quickly take baby away, then mummy and daddy wait anxiously.
15. After what seems for an eternity, bring baby back, nicely wrapped and cleaned.
16. Mummy breast feeds baby.
17. Take baby out and put in nursery.
18. Repeat 14-17 and maybe transfer to normal ward.

So is there a different way or approach to this? Yes, I have learnt and experienced a better way for our journey into parenthood, a gentler way if I may, which is Part 2.

Journey into Parenthood Part 2

Continued from Part 1

Part 1 talks about the 18 steps we typically have regimented into us for birthing. So, is that all that there is to child birthing?

You might say mostly, and some might say don’t forget breathing. Actually, there is much more to know, understand and experience in child birthing. This is where the term Gentle Birthing comes in. Some refer to it as Hypno Birthing (I’ll explain later why). The bottom line is our right and responsibility in educating ourselves on the child-birthing process, all the terminologies, understanding our options and making well informed decisions.

I’m an engineer by study and spent many years of my life as an engineer, so science works best for me. Follow the medicine book and go back to step 1-18 of my previous post. Leave it to the sciences, doctors and hospitals. They know best and do this on a daily basis.

My journey into understanding birthing started from a 1-day seminar (Boot Camp) organized by Baby with Bee. I went - obviously because my wife had signed us up. My wife came to know of this Boot Camp from my son’s parkour buddy’s mum, Ruz; who happens to be a Hypnobirthing instructor. You can reach Ruz at 017-8806061 or What'sApp her to get more info. She invited us to join the upcoming Boot Camp as we were looking for Antenatal classes that met our requirements. And the event was free. One more thing – for our first kid we didn’t get an opportunity to sign up for an ante-natal class, as work required traveling and we couldn’t find a suitable timing of classes to work around it. We did read a lot though. So, I wanted to do it better this time around. And why not start of with a free Boot Camp.

The term gentle birthing or Hypnobirthing was rather confusing for me. After the boot camp, one thing came to mind for me to consider – it made sense that child birth is generally not a medical emergency or complication. It is just natural. It is not easy nor a breeze, but in most cases, it is not necessary something you’d deem as a medical emergency.  Among others HypnoBirthing is about mummy getting herself into a deep relaxed, relaxed, limp state. Read the CNN article here.

What hit me hardest in the boot camp is that there are many successful birthings (deliveries) in hospitals that were very pro natural, mummy and baby friendly, with minimal intervention. It was really an eye opener, as seldom does gentle birthing get much attention. Gentle birthing is one of those things that you have to read about or hear about from a friend, and not something you'd come across in your hospital's delivery options. Birthing doesn’t necessarily have to be like in TV series or movies – yes you know what I mean.

Two things also resonated with me so much:

1. Mummies managed to give birth with minimum or no screaming (and without any pain killer or anaesthetic). They were calmer, had a better birthing environment, a birth partner and had good breathing techniques among others.

2. Babies have a natural instinct to crawl up from mummies tummies to mummies breast and look and suckle for milk.

So, what was our next step? We signed up for the HypnoBirthing classes, the package was for 10 sessions. To be clear – this were really birthing classes, i.e. how to prepare for the immediate pre-birth, birth and immediate post birth, yeah not your normal antenatal class how to feed and bath baby.

Part 3 will cover how we found the classes, and some key takeaways from the classes.

HypnoBirthing - The Gentler Way Part 3

Part 3 

Part 1 starts of with what many of us are familiar with in Birthing and we we normally do in preparing for our latest addition to the family. 

Part 2 covers our journey again, understanding that there are better options and alternatives to birthing, and ways to being better prepared. Part 3 (this post) covers our actual learning and the tremendous knowledge we gained in the understanding of HypnoBirthing through the classes. Firstly, no, it's not a class about hypnosis. Read on.

Signing up for the Hypnobirthing session with BabywithBee was pretty simple and straight forward. The classes you’ll join mostly depend on your location, where different instructors cover different areas. Lucky for us, closest to us was Ampang, which was Ruz’s class. She was also one of the speakers during the Boot Camp.

Is this the blog post where I share in details the 5 sessions that we went through? Well if I do that; basically I would be conducting the gentle birthing classes wouldn’t I? Firstly for some of us out there (myself included) - for the sum of money you’re putting in, some will ask "Is it worth it"? To me, IF you want to be more informed when you go see your O&G , if you want to have a clear plan on the birthing, and if you want to know what are your rights and what is scientifically a fact or otherwise, if you want to have a more memorable and smoother, calmer birth, yes it is a well worth investment. In analogy, if you would be investing and spending an amount in taking a certification course for your career, wouldn’t investing in this very eventful occasion (your child’s birth) be a good investment? I’ll not go through each session here, but here’s some of the key learnings for me and how it worked out on D-day: 

1. Helped us stay calmer overall 
2. It helped us understand and practice better breathing techniques - Different techniques are applied at different stages of birthing
3. It has helped the partner / husband provide the much-needed support to be the core backbone to the mummy in delivery - 
• Yes, like it or not, many husbands are really unsure what is expected of them in the delivery room. If you go by what you see on TV, mostly it is to tell your wife PUSH, and hold her hand until u cannot tahan (can’t stand it) anymore.
4. Understand that most pregnancies don’t need much intervention.
5. Understand things like episiotomy and other birthing terminology – and yes you want to understand this and discuss with your doctor if things like this are really necessary. Tears lead to tears. Intentionally or not.
6. Come up with a birth plan, one that we actually understood and believed in. 
• Equipped with our own self-customized birth plan, we discussed with our O&G doctor, and were more well planned going into delivery. 
• We also shared the birth plan with the nurses in the delivery ward, and they acknowledged it.
7. It helped us talk to the doctor better during our visits, knowing what to ask, what to expect and how to manage expectations. 
• When you are more well informed, your doctor will also respond better to you as they appreciate and acknowledge that you have done your homework.
8. Helped us understand what to look for in a doctor, and to be upfront with doctors on your expectations. 
• We were recommended to quite a few doctors, but all doctors are different - what we’ve come to understand is that all doctors have different perspective and approach to gentle birthing. You’ll need to sync up your birth plan with your doctor and see what items the doctor is agreeable to and otherwise. Nothing fancy, but things like delayed cord clamping. Different docs will respond differently. 
• It is best to iron out these things early on, so as to avoid frustration during the actual birthing. This also gives you enough time to find your most preferred doctor. We actually met around 4 O&Gs before settling for the one we were most comfortable with. 
• On a side note, though all the O&Gs were from private hospitals, their consultation rates and final bill per visit differed amazingly a lot.

It is also important to evaluate the hospital. One way is to visit the delivery ward and talk to the nurses. Ask them about things like room-ing in, and based on their response you’ll know whether the hospital and their staff are pro-natural or not. See what messages and pictures are posted on the walls to get a feel of the birthing and post-natal culture there.

And if you’re like me; being a rather calculative person, you might ask, why not just google and read up about Hypnobirthing or Gentle Birthing. Some things are better left to be ‘learnt’ from a person. The sessions included guided practice, discussions, brain storming and also sharing of experience and ideas. Ruz herself gave birth using Hypnobirthing, so she can also relate very well based on her own experience. And I guess every parent (to-be) joining the session already has done some amount of reading, so all of us will have our unique questions to be answered.

In summary, when it mattered most – i.e. during the Birthing, we were more well-structured, calm and knew what to expect during every stage of Birthing. Yes, even when you are already in the delivery ward, there are stages in the birthing, and with knowledge and newly gained confidence, you will know how to adapt to and manage each stage better. We knew how to talk to and respond to medical suggestions and options. And kudos to the hospital staff as they went all out and were very supportive towards gentle birthing. They went along the birth plan and worked together with us to keep us on the path of a more gentle and calm birthing experience for mummy, daddy, and baby.

We were very happy with Ruz’s sessions, she is well informed and good in parting knowledge and explaining. Part 4 talks about what happens immediately after the birth. You can reach Ruz at 017-880 6061 or What'sApp her.

What happens after the birth Part 4

We covered birthing in Part 3. Now the next phase - Immediately after birthing.

After the Birthing

The phase immediately after Birthing is an important stage for bonding, not only between mummy and baby, but for daddy as well. Yes, this is a crucial time for mummy and daddy to bond with baby. Science has shown New Borns (NBs) have a strong sense of smell and they will recognize and remember the first smells. So, whose smell and what smells would you like your precious NB to first smell, remember and bond to?

For our case, the doctor and staff gave our precious healthy baby to mummy immediately once she came out of the birth canal (yes that’s what they call it). Other procedures like wiping off baby and weighing were done later. And what happened when mummy needed some rest, did they quickly cart baby to the nursery? No, they offered and we asked, that baby be left with daddy to allow for more skin to skin. Yes, even daddy and baby should have some skin to skin.

Going to the maternity ward

Once mum has rested, as per norm, mummy and baby are moved to the maternity ward. How do you plan out the few days in the maternity ward? Where do you leave your baby? How about when your baby has to go for his or her immunization, what do you do? How about Vitamin K?

Yes, there’s lots to learn and lots to cover. Starting from pre-birth, how to prepare yourself, your spouse, your children. How to talk to your doctor, what to consider in choosing a doctor and hospital. And when the moment occurs, what are the dos and don’t. What are the signs. Yes, there is even a sign and time when most mummies will insist on an epidural, yet you will know and be able to comfort mummy that it’s no longer required (or even allowed) as baby is nearly here. And what to do immediately after birthing?

Was it all worth it for me? Yes, even as a parent with 1 kid, the journey into parenthood (Rev2) was definitely well worth it, and more fulfilling as we were more prepared and informed.

What's Next?

So what's next after this (or actually before). For me, many things, among others

1. Protecting mummy and baby
2. Planning out post delivery - confinement, pantang food, post-natal massage (urut pantang)
3. Follow up check-ups
4. Jaundice (kuning)

I'll continue writing and cover more of the above in coming posts. Follow this website or check-in again soon.

Getting mummy and baby protected during pre-birth Part 5

In Part 4 I talked about the Immediately upon Delivery Stage, i.e. likely your last stage before heading back home with +1 (or more). One of the checklists in your pregnancy should be to consider taking up an insurance or takaful policy for your coming new born and mummy. Yes, at first thought, why would anyone want to take up an insurance policy very early on?

Just a couple of weeks ago, I got a query from a parent whose child was born with a cleft lip (sumbing), and asked if she can take a policy to cover for that. I had to be frank with her, that generally in Malaysia, insurance policies will not cover existing illness or situations. So, in a nutshell considering what a pre-born policy covers to what you’d pay in premiums, generally the benefits do outweigh the costs. One of the main reason to take a a pre-birth policy is to cover the coming New Born for congenital conditions and mummy for pregnancy care benefits.

What are these so-called congenital conditions? Basically, a condition present at birth regardless of its cause or simply called a birth defect. An example that many of us might have heard of is a cleft lip. However, there are quite a few conditions that you would want to get your coming baby to be covered for:

• Ventricular Septal Defect (Jantung Berlubang, hole in the heart at the Ventricle)
• Atrial Septal Defect (Jantung Berlubang, hole in the heart at the Atria)
• Tetralogy of Fallot (a combination of four congenital abnormalities in the heart. The four defects include a ventricular septal defect (VSD), pulmonary valve stenosis, a misplaced aorta and a thickened right ventricular wall (right ventricular hypertrophy))
• Transposition of Great Vessels (abnormal spatial arrangement of any of the great vessels) – basically the great vessels in the heart got transposed / swapped in position
• Coarctation of the Aorta (the aorta in the heart is narrow)
• Infantile Hydrocephalus (Water in the brain - Frequency. 1.5 per 1,000 babies). Hydrocephalus is a condition in which an accumulation of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) occurs within the brain.
  • Children often have a full life span if hydrocephalus is caught early and treated. Infants who undergo surgical treatment to reduce the excess fluid in the brain and survive to age 1 will not have a shortened life expectancy due to hydrocephalus.
• Cerebral Palsy (a group of permanent movement disorders that appear in early childhood)
• Spina Bifida (a birth defect that occurs when the spine and spinal cord don't form properly) – remember doctor giving Folic Acid?
• Cleft Lip with/without Cleft Palate
• Congenital Cataract (clouding of the lens of the eye that is present at birth)
• Congenital Deafness
• Anal atresia (congenital defect in which the opening of the anus is absent or misplaced)
• Oesophageal Atresia (a baby's oesophagus (the tube through which food passes from the mouth to the stomach). The upper part of the oesophagus doesn't connect with the lower oesophagus and stomach.)
• Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia
• Tracheo-oesophageal Fistula (is an abnormal connection (fistula) between the oesophagus and the trachea)
• Down's Syndrome
• Retinopathy of Prematurity (eye disease that can happen in premature babies. It causes abnormal blood vessels to grow in the retina, and can lead to blindness)

Remember again that once there are any signs of the above or once baby is diagnosed, you cannot get coverage anymore. So, to me, that is the MAIN reason to get pre-birth cover.

Every year, 7.9 million infants (approximately 6 percent of babies worldwide) are born with serious abnormalities. These can be related to the anatomy (such as clubfoot or cleft lip), chromosomal abnormalities (such as Down syndrome – Trisomy 21) or biochemical/genetic mutations (such as sickle-cell disease) – Source https://www.ntperi.com/conditions/birth-defects

Currently Prudential offers coverage for your baby in tummy starting from 14 gestational weeks onwards, and covers mummy for pregnancy care (coverage for possible pregnancy complications). Note that there is a cut off, i.e. you can apply for this policy up to around 35weeks of pregnancy. After that, you'll have to wait till baby is born and not be able to get certain coverage like congenital illness and pregnancy complications. So best give it some deep thought and decide a little early, as all pre-born policies will need a simple report from your O&G which could take a few more weeks or even a month to get from your doctor. Drop a comment or just What’s App at 011-1895 3997 or click here to What’s App if you would like to get more information.